Iris WITTELS Wachs: An Expose

The real owner of Rec Room is not Matt Hune or Stephanie Wittels Wachs, it’s three-year-old Iris.

Iris is ambition and spunk incarnate. She is an honest and no-bullshit employer. She know’s the game and know’s how to play it. When confronted with things that don’t make sense, she taps her foot and rolls her eyes.

My first interview with Ms. Wachs was short lived because she understands the short-lived nature of political talk. On the night of the election (right after our Donald Trump piñata almost crushed her), when asked who she predicted would be the next president of our United States, Wachs estimated that popular TV personality Sophia the First would be filling the ultimate position in the Oval Office.

I was impressed. Sophia is a national celebrity, akin to our current Cheeto, and a woman, akin to Hillary of the Clinton variety. Sophia, while not running at that moment, represents a lot of American values: wholesome in the family, singing to solve problems, loving all people no matter their creed. Her answer caused me to eagerly await the day that I will be able to vote Iris Wachs for president, it’ll come y’all. Get ready.

But, who is Iris? What thoughts go on behind that skeptical punim covered in masses of curly brunette locks? This reporter (blogger) is set out to discover the Iris behind the scenes.

I sat down with her, well, I sat and she and her posse (fellow three year olds Levi and Jack) ran around and screamed, after she saw a dress rehearsal of Rec Room’s upcoming children’s show Garbage Island. I eagerly awaited her esteemed opinion, as well as the opinions of her peers.

Iris did her best to hold her opinion from me, she has a lot going on. When asked what the name of the show we just saw was Iris said, “Puppets.” When asked what the play was about, she said, “puppets.” To be clear, there is only one puppet in the show. His name is Ant Man and he makes a great impression.

All three of the three year olds were energized by the performance. They showed their enthusiasm with shouts and screams and screeches.  They ran around the stage, hugging the performers and each other. I tried to get a comment about the show, but it was difficult.

“Who was your favorite person in the show?”

Levi stared at me for a second, and just when I thought I would have to repeat the question, he proceeded to point to all five actors. That is the best review ever.

“Do you know what trash is?” I asked the bouncy bunch.

“Yes,” said Jack, matter of fact, before running up and hugging Tasha Gorel who plays a bunch of fun characters.

The one thing that was abundantly clear was that these kids LOVED these actors who are devoted to educating kids about recycling and, moreover, about being good people. What’s more valuable than that?

PS: We will have an open bar during the show, your welcome moms and dads.

Written by Grace Rosenwinkel Cunyus